Last One In's a Rotten Ed
by ZephyrSamba
Summary: The grand finale...well, finales! I've given it two different endings - read 'em both and decide for yourself! The Eds set up their own water park - with Double-D on lifeguard duty and Ed making contributions of his own, what could go wrong? Well...
1. Zen and the Art of River Maintenance

Edd watched in exasperation as Ed cheerfully watered the dirt channel he'd dug into the hillside.  "Ed, for the last time, you can't make a river just by showing the water where to go!"

"Sure you can, Double-D!  How do you think all those other rivers got there?"  Ed sung as he hosed up and down the channel.  "Old Mac Donald had a river, B – I – N – G – O!"

"No, Ed," Edd patiently tried again, "rivers are formed when – "

Eddy pulled Edd's hat down over his face.  "Can it, will ya, you're ruining the show.  Don't you wanna see how long the big lump will stand there with that hose?"

"Eddy, that's a terrible waste of natural resources."  Edd struggled with his hat.  "And besides, Ed really ought to learn how – "

"Hey, Ed, I think you missed a spot over there!"  Eddy pointed to an area just beyond Edd.

"Over here, Eddy?"  Ed turned towards the spot Eddy indicated, catching Edd in the hose's spray.  Edd gacked and sputtered, and backed blindly into Ed's now-muddy channel.  The slipperiness of the slope and the force of the hose sent him wailing down the hill at breakneck speed.

"Ha-ha, ha-ha-ha!  Look at him go!"  Eddy stood at the edge of the hill, doubled up with laughter.  "You're a riot, Ed!"

"Quality is job one, Eddy!"  Ed turned towards Eddy, forgetting to first turn off the hose.  "Oops."  He walked to the edge and watched Eddy go flailing down after Edd.  Ed's lower lip quivered as he realized he was suddenly all alone.  "Aw, come on guys, wait for me!"  Turning the hose on himself, he went gaily splashing towards the bottom.

*****

"Aiiiiiiii – grglg!"  Edd landed in the creek with a splash and a gurgle.  As he was struggling towards shore, Eddy came zipping down and landed on him.  They were both splashing and spluttering when Ed piled into them.  After several minutes, the three Eds managed to drag themselves back onto dry ground.

"Thanks a lot, Monobrow," Eddy growled, knocking water out of his head, "It'd been a whole day or so since I'd last seen my life flash before my eyes…" He raised his hand to whack Ed on the back of the head.

"You've got no one to blame but yourself, Eddy."  Edd wrung out his shirt and cast an indignant glance in Eddy's direction.  "When will you learn that your reprehensible lack of respect for your friends nets you nothing but trouble?  This all could have been avoided if you hadn't been so eager to amuse yourself at Ed's and my expense!"  He wiped mud off his face.  "Oh, just look at me!  Covered in mud for – what is this, the third time today?  I hope you're happy!"

"Gee, you're right, Double-D!  I'm sorry to have inconvenienced you so!"  Eddy looked contrite.

"W-well, it's all right, I just – "

"Here, lemme help you with that mud!"  Eddy shoved Edd back into the creek.  Wiping his hands together, he turned back towards Ed and rolled his eyes.  "Sheeze.  It's like hanging out with my mom sometimes…"

"My mom would be mad if I pushed her in the creek."  Ed shook himself off like a dog.  "But that was fun, Eddy!  All the thrill of a water park, in convenient bite-size form!"

Eddy's eyebrows raised.  "You know, come to think of it – that actually was kind of fun, in a heart-stopping sort of way…"  He started to drool.  "I bet kids would pay big money to ride that slope!  And we could even throw in a few more slides, maybe a pool – we could have our own water park!"

Edd clung to the shore as water streamed down him.  "Oh, please!  Your Ocean World endeavor was an unmitigated disaster, and your river cruise got us nothing but soaked!  What makes you think that this iteration of the water-themed enterprise will be any diff – "

"It's summer, it's hot, people love to go swimming!  See for yourself…"  Eddy pushed Edd's head under the water with his foot.  Grinning, he waited a few seconds before letting him back up.

Edd sputtered to the surface.  "WILL YOU STOP DOING – " he closed his mouth as Eddy put his foot on his head again.

"You were saying?"

Edd sighed.  "Let's go, I have a lot of ill-conceived plans to be drawing up…"

*****

"Double-D, I've gotta hand it to you!"  Eddy slung an arm around Edd's shoulders as he surveyed 'Ed's Water World.'  Ed's original muddy slope was overshadowed by impossibly twisting slides, a gently rolling wave pool, and various other attractions.  "You've really outdone yourself this time!"

"Why, thank you, Eddy, I'm glad the results have lived up to your expectations.  I must admit, the Lazy River turned out better than I had anticipated."

"And don't forget The Gravy Boat!"  Ed pointed happily at his contribution, a partially-inflated dinghy slowly sinking into a pool of gravy.

Edd smiled politely as he pulled a tarp over the eerily burbling pool.  "Um, yes, Ed, I'm sure that'll be a big hit.  Why don't we just cover it up to keep the bugs out for now?"

"And to keep the snails in!  Good idea, Double-D!"  Ed ran over to their gate, hastily constructed from an old set of golf clubs and some chicken wire.  "Can I let in the customers yet?"

"Ohh yeah!"  Eddy rubbed his hands together greedily.  "Let 'em in, Ed, I can taste the jawbreakers already!"

"Wait just one minute!  My preparations aren't yet complete!"  Edd fiddled with a small metal box.  As he dropped it onto the ground it unfolded with several mechanical 'sproings.'  Soon the Eds were standing before a towering contraption that bristled with video screens, countless buttons and knobs, and one large, shady umbrella.  "There we are!"  Edd took a seat in front of the device and started turning dials.

"Eddy, what's Double-D doing with that model of the cockpit from 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being in Zero Gravity'?"

"Good question, Ed.  Hey, Sock-head, this isn't the time to be playing with your toys, we've got suckers to bilk!"

"This isn't a toy, Eddy, it's the command center of my Omnipresent Lifeguard Safety System!  Why, from this vantage point I can monitor what's going on all over our water park, and with the touch of a few buttons, I can diffuse any potentially dangerous situation before it turns disastrous.  You can never be too…"  

Eddy made a face as Edd continued his monologue about the importance of rigorous safety procedures.  Idly looking over the control panel, he found his attention drawn to a large red button labeled "Water Drainage Activator:  FOR EMERGENCY USE ONLY"  Grinning wickedly, he looked over his shoulder to be sure Edd was still absorbed in delivering his lecture, then reached out to press the button…

Every muscle in his body contracted at once and his hair stood on end as an electric shock zinged through him.  As he lay in a smoking heap, he coughed out, "Hey, Double-D, I don't think your safety things are working…"

Edd giggled behind his hand.  "Actually, Eddy, they seem to be working quite well.  I knew that a system so capable of wreaking havoc on all my hard work would be irresistible to you, so I threw in a few – ahem – surprises, to deter you."  He looked pleased with himself.  "Looks like you've found one."

"Oh, a wise guy, huh?"  Eddy leapt to his feet.  "I'll give _you_ a surprise…"

"Oh, dear…"  Edd ran for his life.  "Ed, help!"

Eddy chased Edd around and around the control panel, but Ed collared him before he could get his revenge.  "Come on, guys, my gravy's drying out!  Can't I let in the customers yet?"

"Customers!"  Eddy rubbed his hands together.  "How could I forget?  Let 'em in, Lumpy!"

"Time to make the donuts!"  Ed ran over to the gate and tore it down.

Talking excitedly amongst themselves, the kids of the cul-de-sac came gawking through the gate.  

"Rolf has never been to a waterpark before!  I have not been so excited since my mail-order Barnacle Farm finally arrived!"

"Wow, Jimmy, look at those slides!"

"They look awfully steep, Sarah," Jimmy clung tightly to his inflatable teddy bear ring.  "Couldn't we try the kiddy pool first?"

"Cool!"  Even Kevin sounded impressed.  "I've got the first ride down that vertical slide!"

"Not so fast!"  Eddy blocked the way into the park.  "Aren't you forgetting something?"  He pulled out his money jar and shook it.  "Only 50 cents per person for a whole day of wet and wild water…uh…w-adventure!"

"Alliteration does not necessarily a good slogan make, Eddy…"

"So who's littering?"  Eddy smiled and shook his jar again.  "Let's go, people, do you wanna ride or not?"

With much grumbling, the kids plunked down their money.  Eddy shook the jar with delight, listening to the quarters jingle together.  "

"No running, now!"  Edd called worriedly as everyone jostled towards the slides.  "There's plenty of time for everyone to ride!"

"Yeah, take all day for all I care," Eddy said, pocketing his jar.  "Let's go, boys, this cash is burning a hole in my pocket!"

"Oh no!  Eddy needs ice!"  Ed picked up Eddy and started running towards his house.  "Hurry before the quarters burn his underwear!"

"No, wait, stop!"  Edd jumped between Ed and what was left of the gates.  "We can't go yet, who'd monitor the lifeguard station?"

"Oh, come on, Double-D, not again!  You always forget the most important part of our scams – spending the money!"

"But what if something were to happen while we were away?  I could never live with myself, knowing my aptitude for invention occasioned some sort of mishap.  I'm sorry, but the candy store will just have to wait."  He crossed his arms resolutely.

"Ed, grab Double-D and let's go, I've had enough of this!"

Ed nodded and made a grab for Edd.  "Come on, Double-D, everyone will be snug as a bug in a jug of slug hugs!"  He laughed.  "Say slug hugs five times fast!  Slug hugs slug hug hug glugs slug slugs!"

Edd ducked and tried again.  "But Eddy, you don't know what you're missing!"  He gestured back towards his lifeguard console.  "I installed a few buttons that I think you'll find quite…intriguing!"

"Yeah, yeah, I already saw your stupid bug zapper, Professor Killjoy."  He ran a hand back over his head.  "And I swear, if that thing messed up my hair…"

"No, I meant a different feature – look!"  Edd flipped on one of the TV monitors, showing a currently empty stretch of the Lazy River.  "This nice, relaxing float down our manmade channel has a few surprises in store for its riders…"  He pressed a button, and on the screen a thin jet of water could be seen drizzling across the river.  He turned expectantly back towards Eddy, grinning as though he'd just pulled an elephant out of thin air.

Eddy watched the screen and waited.  And waited.  He raised an eyebrow.  "That was it?  You think I'm gonna put off a trip to jawbreakerville just so I can dribble a few _drops _of water on people?"

"But just think of the mayhem it would cause, Eddy!"

"Man, you're as exciting as bottled water."  He snorted in disgust.  "Let's go, Ed, I can hear those jawbreakers calling to me!"

"I don't think I could eat a talking jawbreaker, Eddy!"

Edd geared himself up for one final attempt.  "You know, Eddy, you're overlooking a major opportunity here…I know I heard a lot more money jingling around in everyone's pockets…"  He tried to look sly.

Eddy stopped abruptly.  Excitedly, he grabbed Edd by the front of his shirt.  "You wouldn't just be saying that, would you?  You think I can milk those pigeons for more cash?"

"Mixed metaphors aside, you're sitting on a veritable goldmine!  Real water parks generate the majority of their revenue from spending done inside the park."  Edd counted the possibilities off on his fingers.  "Why, there's towel rentals, concession stands, photo opportunities, even souvenir sales!  And surely you could come up with other ideas, couldn't you?"

"Could I ever!!"  Eddy rubbed his hands together in anticipation.  "Let's go, Double-D!  I need you to build me a – "

"Oh no, you and Ed will have to handle this on your own."  Edd turned his attention back to his lifeguard station.  "I'll be right here if you need me."

Eddy harrumphed.  "Fine!  Just don't expect to be sharing in any of the loot.  Come on, Ed, let's get to work…"

"I'm gonna need plenty of duct tape and bananas, Eddy!"  Ed ran on ahead, followed closely by Eddy.

"Honestly."  Edd shook his head distractedly.  "The things I go through to maintain a relatively clear conscience…"  He flipped a few switches, bringing the remaining video cameras online, and settled back to keep an eye on the goings-on at the park…


	2. The Call of the Wild Button

"'I need to monitor the lifeguard station, Eddy!'  'I couldn't live with myself if someone got their hair wet, Eddy!'"  As fumbled with the rigging on his automatic photo-taking device, Eddy muttered to himself in a high-pitched imitation of Edd.  He tried once more to hook up a line to the camera.  "Stupid Sock-head…like we really need him for all this stuff…doesn't take an IQ of 160 just to glue together a few lousy cables…"  He growled in frustration as he dropped the camera once more.  "Hey, Ed, come help me hook up this camera thing!"

Ed looked up from the table.  Surrounding him were countless little blob-shaped figurines carved out of erasers, pinecones, and blocks of cheese.  "I'll be right there, Eddy!  Do you have any more butter?"

"For the last time, Ed, nobody's gonna want your stupid souvenirs!"

"But Eddy, I made them look like fish!  And beach balls!  And here's a pair of swimming trunks!"  He held up a cheese blob.

"Forget it!"  Eddy stomped over and knocked the table clear.  "Now help me put this camera contraption together, will ya?  If we can figure out how to take pictures of people as they're going down our slides, we'll be rich!"

Ed bounced over to the camera.  "Easy as 1, 2, buckle my shoe!"  He stuck out his tongue and frowned in concentration as he picked up a wire.  He tried to tie it around the camera, but the knot came undone.  He tried again, wrapping the wire several times around the camera, but when he tested it the camera fell to the floor.  Picking it up, he flew into a frenzy of knot-tying; when the dust settled, the camera was securely tied to the wire…as was every other object in the garage.

Eddy slapped a hand over his face.  "Great.  You're a big help, Ed."

"Do you think I could be an Urban Ranger, Eddy?  Those badges go great with ketchup!"

"Uh, right….maybe we should give the inventions and souvenirs a rest and go find some towels to rent out."  Ducking under the wire, Eddy started towards the door to the house.

"I was a towel rack once!"  Ed threw his hands in the air and ran after Eddy, oblivious to the wires he dragged along behind him.  Splashing through a little puddle on his way in, he stopped and looked around.  "Have you seen my ice cube sculptures anywhere?"

****

Kevin stood at the edge of the slide and looked down.  30 meters directly below, a large pool waited.  "This is gonna be choice!"

Rolf crept closer and peered over the edge.  "Indeed, this slide looks faster than the weevils in Papa's eyebrows!"  He shivered.  "But is it safe?  Rolf does not feel happy putting his life in the hands of this thing built by the Always-Asking-For-Trouble Ed-boys…"

"Dude, it's just a straight tube and a pool of water, even they couldn't mess that up…too much…"  Edging closer to Rolf, he suddenly booted him down the slide.  He laughed.  "Try not to wet yourself on the way down!"  Sitting at the top of the slide, he pushed himself over the edge.  "Awwwwesommmmme!"

*****

Edd watched Kevin's actions in dismay.  "Roughhousing on the most treacherous slide in the park!  I ought to eject them both…"  He looked up as a warning light flashed on his console.  "Oh dear, Kevin's following Rolf entirely too closely!  They're bound to collide!"  He quickly flipped a few switches and turned a series of dials.  "There!  That ought to do the trick!"

*****

"Besotted fish heads!!  Ill-fitting lederhosen!!"  Terror-stricken, Rolf shrieked native obscenities as he approached terminal velocity.  "Great Nano preserve this son of a shepherd, I am doomed like flies in gruel!!"

Whooping with delight, Kevin flew down the slide right behind him.  "Relax, Rolf, you're not gonna die!"

"Do not talk to Rolf, spawn of lemon-scented porcupines!  Rolf is of a mind to – "

At that moment, the slide below him suddenly changed its angle, sticking out like a ski jump.  "Rotten sea squiiiiid!!"  Unable to stop, Rolf zipped along the slide and flew through the air.  As soon as he was off the slide, its slope changed once more, this time angling in a slightly different direction.  Kevin's eyes went wide as he, too, was shot over the park…

*****

Edd nodded in satisfaction as he observed Kevin and Rolf flailing through the air.  He double-checked their coordinates – good, their current trajectories ensured that both would land safely elsewhere in the park, and not on top of one another.  "Emergency number one, averted!"

****

Eddy shut his eyes and silently counted to ten.  "Let me get this straight, Ed.  You used _all_ the towels in the house to transport the gravy for your stupid Gravy Boat?"

Ed licked a sodden brown towel.  "Gee, sorry, Eddy, I forgot.  It took a lot of towels to soak up enough gravy to fill the pool…"  

"Great.  Now what are we supposed to rent out?  The kids aren't gonna want to dry themselves off with a disgusting gravy-soaked towel…"

Ed brightened.  "Ooh, ooh, I know!  We could sell gravy towels at the concession stand!  Want a free sample?"  He thrust a dripping towel towards Eddy.

Eddy knocked his hand aside.  "Get that away from me, Ed!  No one's gonna eat that."  He snapped his fingers.  "Concession stand!  That's it!  Come on, Ed, the kids'll be fighting each other to be the first in line at Eddy's House of Omelettes!"

"Omelettes in a water park, Eddy?  I've heard better ideas at a tractor pull!  When I go swimming, I want something cool and refreshing!"  He waved his towel again.  "Like frozen gravy!"

"Hmm…I hate to say it, but you're right…er, kind of…"  Eddy scratched his head in thought.  Suddenly, he jumped up.  "I've got it!  Let's go, Ed, we've got food to cook and signs to make!"

"Can I make a stop sign out of oatmeal?"

****

Edd checked out the monitors again.  Sarah and Nazz were stretched out in chairs alongside the wave pool, Jimmy was wading happily nearby, and Rolf and Kevin had yet to land.  He yawned.  Maybe he should have gone with Ed and Eddy, after all.

Glancing over at the Lazy River monitor, he stopped.  On-screen, Jonny leaned back on his inner tube and kicked idly at the water.  Plank floated nearby, securely tied to his own tube.

Involuntarily, Edd's gaze drifted over to his water-shooting button.  He shook his head rapidly, shocked at his own irreverence.  "How could I even think of such a thing?"  He looked back up at the screen.  Jonny and Plank seemed so relaxed.

His eyes slid back to the button.  "That's just irresponsible, inconsiderate behavior!"  He firmly pushed the thought from his mind.  Sweeping his gaze across the other monitors, he found that everything was still peaceful.  Nothing was going on whatsoever.  Not a splash.  Not a drip.  Not a single sunburn.  If only he'd thought to bring a book…

Jonny drifted by, spinning slowly.  He'd soon be in range of the water jet.

"Well…like Eddy said, it's really only a few drops…"  Edd tentatively rested his hand on the button.  "And it is quite hot out today, Jonny would probably appreciate a nice cooling shower…"  What could it hurt?  With a quick look around to be sure nobody was watching, he tapped the button…


	3. Ending 1: The Gravy of Wrath

Author's Note:  Well, my intended 3-parter has now become a "3-and-a-half-parter," thanks to my inability to decide how I really wanted to end it.  The chapter you're about to read _was_ my initial ending – but then I read Jaha Canon's comment about how Edd was pretty cool in this story thus far…Reading back over my previous chapters, it occurred to me that, hey, he actually _was_ doing all right for himself and that in this particular ending, he, well, doesn't.  I thought that maybe he and his pals deserved a different ending – so I got out my crayons and made a few hasty changes (So, thanks, Jaha!  You never know what offhand comment someone's gonna end up taking to heart! =) 

I still rather liked this ending, too, though – so instead of just picking one and going with it, I figured I'd follow in the hallowed footsteps of such entertainment masterpieces as _Wayne's World_, _Clue: The Movie_, and all those _Choose Your Own Adventure_ books I grew up on and let you decide for yourself.  I hope you enjoy – I'd love to hear your thoughts!

And so, without further ado – the stirring first conclusion:  The Gravy of Wrath!

*****

"Ahhh, isn't this nice, Plank?"  Jonny flicked at the water with one hand.  "Listen to the water splash…"

"…"

"Oh, all right – ten more minutes, and then we'll go find something a little more exciting.  Boy, Plank, you sure are a daredevil!"

He rolled over in his tube so he could watch the water flow by beneath him.  As his eyes started to drift closed, he heard a 'whooshing' noise up ahead of him.

"What the heck is that, Plank?  Have you been eating cabbage again?"  He looked up and gasped.  "Aaaaah!  It's a horizontal waterfall!  Hang on, buddy!"

Holding on to Plank's tube with one hand, he used the other to paddle desperately against the current.  The tide was too strong, however, and soon he was caught in a rush of water that seemed to be shot out of a hyper-charged water cannon.  Board, boy, and inner tubes were all blasted out of the Lazy River, and they bounced and rolled wildly across the ground.

The world spun crazily before Jonny's eyes as he tried unsuccessfully to slow himself down.  "Runaway inner tubes!  Hellllp!!!"

*****

"Oh, curse my mischievous ways!"  Edd ran back and forth in front of the control panel.  "What have I done??"  He saw Jonny bounce madly from one monitor to the next as he careened through the park.  In a panic, Edd pounded on switches and buttons, trying to shut off the unexpectedly powerful water jet.

*****

Sarah looked up from her lawn chair.  "How're you doing, Jimmy?"

"Great, Sarah!  Come on in, the water's fine!"  Jimmy paddled happily around, supported in the water by his inflatable teddy bear ring.

"Maybe later, I've gotta work on my tan.  Hey Nazz, could you pass the sunscreen?"

"Sure."  Nazz handed the bottle to Sarah without looking up from her chair.  Lazily rolling over onto her back, she opened one eye fractionally.  Suddenly she sat up in surprise and pointed skyward.  "What's that??"

Sarah followed her gaze.  She gasped as she spotted what Nazz was looking at.  "Jimmy, look out!"

"What?"  Jimmy didn't have time to look around before a screaming Rolf plunged into the pool a few feet away.  The force of the impact created a wave that knocked Jimmy upside down.  His feet kicked frantically, sticking up out of his inner tube.

"Jimmy!"  Sarah jumped in the water to save her friend.  

"Is he okay, Sarah?  Try to – aaah!"  Nazz stood up for a better view just as Jonny, still flying out of control, bounced into sight.  As she turned to run away, Jonny rolled into her and bowled her over.  The force of the impact halted Jonny's momentum, and both he and Nazz reeled dazedly on the ground.

"Boy, Plank, I thought we were goners for sure!"  Jonny looked around.  "Plank?  Where are ya, buddy?  PLAN – gck!"  Plank careened off Jonny's head and came to a stop.

Rolf, Sarah, and Jimmy flailed to the edge of the pool and hung there, coughing and gasping.  "Rolf feels like a sow caught within the gears of an angry combine!  I must go get…"  Rolf's eyes widened as he remembered something.  Looking up, his pupils shrunk to pinpoints.  He grabbed Sarah and Jimmy and tried to drag them out of the pool.  "Get out, foolish pasty-skinned ones!  We must exit this pool of sorrow before – "  His words were cut off with a gurgle as Kevin splashed down in the deep end, knocking everyone out of the pool and thoroughly soaking Nazz, Jonny, and Plank.

Quiet descended for a few moments, as everyone lay stunned and waterlogged.  Finally, Jonny sat up, rubbing his head.  "W-what happened?"

Kevin pulled himself out of the pool.  "The dorks happened.  As usual."

"My beach bag is soaked!"  Nazz shook out her belongings in dismay.  "And my hair's a mess!  This is so not cool!"

"Jimmy, are you okay?"  Sarah looked over with concern as Jimmy sniffled.

"It's Mr. Foofy, Sarah – he popped!"  Jimmy sadly held up a sagging teddy bear ring.

Sarah stood up, steam rising from her head.  "Rrrrr!  I'm gonna KILL my idiot brother and his stupid friends!"

"Rolf will help you in this, oh Glass-Shattering Terrifying One!  Lead the way and he will follow like an avenging swarm of overripe bramble-berries!"

"Yeah, count me in, too," Kevin cracked his knuckles.  "Those dorks need a little attitude adjustment…"

****

"Oh dear, oh dear!!"  Edd went white with fear as he watched the kids bunch into a mob and start running for the gate.  He tried not to shake as he pounded a series of buttons.  Shutting his eyes, he flipped a final switch and hoped for the best.

A small door slid open in the bottom of the control panel.  Edd sighed in relief.  "Thank goodness for foresight."  He crawled in and pulled the door shut behind him, seconds before the kids came tromping past.

"Where are they?"  Sarah looked around angrily.  "ED!  Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

"The dorks must've seen us coming.  Cowards!"  Kevin put his hands to his mouth.  "You can't hide forever, Eddy!"

"Hide?  Who's hiding?"  At that moment, Eddy strutted through the ramshackle gates.  Ed followed, lugging a large cooler.  "I just stopped out for a few supplies – hold onto your swim trunks, guys, you haven't lived until you've tried Eddy's Frozen Omelette on a Stick!"

"With free gravy dipping towels!"  Ed dropped the cooler and reached inside.

"Er, yeah…Only 25 cents for the tastiest frozen treat you'll ever eat – now don't all crowd me…at…once?"  Eddy trailed off as he noted the furious looks on the faces of the crowd.  "Uh, is there a problem here?"

"Oh yeah.  There's a problem."  Kevin advanced slowly, flanked by Rolf and Sarah.  Jonny, Nazz, and Jimmy were close behind.

Eddy backed nervously into Ed.  "Uh, we should probably be running now…"

"Okee dokey, artichokey!"  Ed ran – right into Kevin.  Kevin held him by the collar as Rolf and Sarah pounced on Eddy.

"Wait!  What did we do??  Can't we all just…be friends?"  Eddy struggled to get away.

"Gee, sure, _buddy_," Kevin grinned.  "You know, _pal_, you're looking awfully hot.  Maybe you need a few hundred rides down those slides of yours."  He started dragging an oblivious Ed towards the vertical slide.

"Yes, Kevin, a drenching is just what these boys are needing!"  Rolf followed, bringing along a desperately scrabbling Eddy.  "Perhaps a good dunking in the wave pool will cool their heels!  Rolf knows a fast way to get there!"

"Ed!  Double-D!  Helllllp!!!"

"I don't think they liked our frozen omelettes, Eddy…"

Edd shivered, listening from within the safety of his hiding place.  "So much for that relatively clear conscience…"

****

A few hours later, after all the yelling and gurgling had died down, Edd timidly slid open the door to his hiding place.  A peek outside showed nothing but empty space, so he crept out.

"Well, well."  Edd started guiltily as Eddy's voice rose up from behind the control console.  "If it isn't the Incredible Disappearing Coward…I knew you couldn't have gone far…"  Edd spun around to face a very bruised, very wet, very angry-looking Eddy.

"Now, Eddy, I can explain…"  Edd held up his hands and backed away.  "My presence could have done nothing to avert the disaster visited upon you and Ed, so while I truly wanted to help, I…um…"  He looked around.  "Uh, where _is_ Ed?"

"Alley-alley oxenfree!"  Nearby, a battered cooler rattled around and finally sprung open.  Ed jumped out, looking somewhat bedraggled but cheerful as ever.  A popsicle stick protruded from his left nostril.  "Just like a lady in a cake, only with omelettes!"  He tugged on the stick, and pulled a frozen omelette out of his nose.  "Want one, Double-D?"

Eddy advanced towards Edd.  "Oh, he wants one all right…in fact, bring 'em all over, Ed…"

"F-frozen omelettes?  That's what you two came up with?  Who on earth would…"  Edd swallowed as Eddy's hands balled into fists.  He smiled ingratiatingly.  "…would…be…able to resist those?  Why, I-I bet you would've made a fortune, if everyone…hadn't…left…"  Wrong thing to say.  "Uh, but at least we still have the revenue from the entrance fees…right?"

"Oh, gee, I forgot – you missed out on all the fun, didn't you?"  A vein in Eddy's forehead throbbed.  "Well, seems that for _some_ reason, everyone took their money back…as usual…Now, why ever could that be?"  Eddy put a finger to his chin and looked up in thought.  "Hmm, I know I heard something about a horizontal waterfall…and an out-of-control water slide…and there was some mention of a huge tidal wave…"  He grabbed Edd by the shirt and pulled him down to eye level.  "I don't suppose you'd know anything about any of that, _Safety Boy_??"

Edd sweated nervously.  "Y-you're upset, that's understandable…"  He tried in vain to free himself.  "But Eddy, I did warn you at the onset that this undertaking was – "

"If you're trying to say 'I told you so,'" Eddy grated, "I'm gonna make you eat every single one of Ed's gravy towels."  He looked like he meant it.

"Uh…"  Edd tried to speak coherently despite his shaking.  "Of…of course I wasn't…saying…what I meant was – ulgk!!"  He was abruptly cut off as Ed galloped over and unloaded 30 frozen omelettes on his head.

"Omelette delivery!"  Ed laughed.  "Do I get a tip?"

"Hmmph."  Eddy glowered down at the whimpering pile of omelettes.  "Here's your tip – spend your money as soon as you get it."  He sighed.  "But since we don't HAVE any money, I guess we'll just have to find something else to do…maybe we ought to go test out your Gravy Boat, whaddya say, Ed?"

"I say, always look both ways before counting your chickens on a burning bridge!"

"Then let's go, and bring Double-D – I'm sure he'll want to do plenty of research on whether people float or sink in gravy!  And we should probably find out how many times your dinghy's oars can be whacked over someone's head before they break…"

"Better safe than soybeans, Eddy!  Come on, Double-D, swimming in gravy is fun!"

"HAVE MERCY!!!!"

*****

The next day found the Eds strolling out of the alley as the neighborhood kids went trundling around on makeshift contraptions that looked to be part go-cart, part inner tube, and part bat.  Eddy grinned widely.  "What did I tell you, boys, the All-Terrain Zoom Buggies are a hit!  Cash-ola in the bank-ola!"  He hugged his now-full money jar.  "It's jawbreaker time!"

Edd watched dubiously as Jonny and Plank flapped shakily past, a few feet off the ground.  "I don't know, Eddy, I still question the workmanship of those things – we really should have spent a little more time ensuring their structural integrity.  I'd feel much better if we could at least distribute safety helmets and kneepads…"

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you,"  Eddy put a hand to his ear and leaned towards Edd.  "That sounded like, 'Eddy, please dunk me in the giant pool of gravy for a few more hours'?"

Edd shrank back.  Two hours in the bathtub, and he could still smell the gravy in his hair.  "N-no, you must've misheard.  What I said was…" he sighed, then forced a weak smile.  "'What're we waiting for, the candy shop closes in an hour…'"

"Good thinking."  Eddy started running.  "Let's go, boys, the jawbreakers are on me!"

"They are?"  Ed looked shocked.  "Come back, Eddy, I want to see!"  He chased gleefully after Eddy.

Edd cast a final worried glance over his shoulder.  "Jonny, watch out for the – " he winced.  Trying hard not to hear the shrieks and crashes coming from the lane behind him, he ran after Ed and Eddy.  "Well, I suppose we can always sell medical services tomorrow…" 


	4. Ending 2: The Taming of the Crew

(ZephyrSamba here again.  This, of course, is the second of my two potential endings for this story.  I hope you like it, and I hope this little 'decide for yourself how it ended' gimmick isn't overly annoying or anything – let me know what you think, what ending you liked better or thought was more likely, where you stand on the issue of unconventionally-colored ketchups – however the mood strikes you!  And – as always, thanks for reading my stuff! =)

In order to save space I'm leaving out much of the setup stuff that was in the previous ending (the 'Gravy of Wrath' chapter, which I'm assuming/hoping you've already read).  In case you haven't read it or need a refresher, though, basically what's happening is that things all go pear-shaped at the point where Double-D hits that darned water jet button.  After being sent flying through the air, blasted with an overzealous water jet, or just unexpectedly and thoroughly soaked, all the kids of the cul-de-sac have regrouped and are preparing to visit unpleasant retribution on our Ed-boys.  Watch out, guys, here they come now…

****

"Oh dear, oh dear!!"  Edd went white with fear as he watched the kids bunch into a mob and start running for the gate.  He tried not to shake as he pounded a series of buttons.  Shutting his eyes, he flipped a final switch and hoped for the best.

In an instant, all the water had drained out of the park and back into the creek.  Another half an instant saw every slide, every pool, every park-related item roll in upon itself until nothing remained but a golf ball-sized lump of plastic.  Even Ed's original muddy channel had been smoothed over.  "Thank goodness for foresight."  Edd pressed another button to fold up his control panel in a similar manner, then ducked behind a nearby tree just as the kids came tromping past. 

"Where are they?"  Sarah looked around angrily.  "ED!  Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

"The dorks must've seen us coming.  Cowards!"  Kevin put his hands to his mouth.  "You can't hide forever, Eddy!"

"Hide?  Who's hiding?"  At that moment, Eddy strutted through the ramshackle gates.  Ed followed, lugging a large cooler.  "I just stopped out for a few supplies – hold onto your swim trunks, guys, you haven't lived until you've tried Eddy's Frozen Omelette on a Stick!"

"With free gravy dipping towels!"  Ed dropped the cooler and reached inside.

"Er, yeah…Only 25 cents for the tastiest frozen treat you'll ever eat – now don't all crowd me at – WHAT'D YOU DO WITH OUR WATER PARK?!?"

Edd steeled himself, then stepped out from behind the tree.  "Oh, _there_ you are, Eddy!  I was beginning to think you'd never get here.  You and Ed did bring the…" he resisted the urge to roll his eyes, "frozen omelettes, didn't you?  Like I always say, summer just isn't summer without plenty of well-chilled egg-based products!"  He nodded his head and smiled widely in an effort to encourage Eddy to play along.

Eddy was having none of it.  "Double-D, what the heck did you do!?"  He stomped towards Edd, hands balled into fists.  "We leave you alone for half an hour and you let – "  Eddy noticed the other kids for the first time.  He backed slowly away.  "Uh, is there a problem here?"

"Oh yeah.  There's a problem."  Kevin advanced toward the Eds, flanked by Rolf and Sarah.  Jonny, Nazz, and Jimmy were close behind.

Eddy cast a sidelong glance at Edd.  "Um, we should probably be running now…" he whispered.

"We'd never make it, Eddy, just follow my lead…"  More loudly, Edd said, "You're right, Eddy, I apologize.  I was totally remiss in my responsibilities – but now that you and Ed are here, it should take no time at all to set up an omelette stand.  But perhaps we should first inquire as to the reason for everybody's obvious outrage?"

"Er…right…"  Eddy looked quickly back towards Ed on the off chance that he knew what was going on, but Ed was too absorbed in eating his towels to notice anything.  "Is…is there something the matter, guys?"

"You dorks _know_ what the matter is."  Kevin drew closer, pounding his fist into his other hand.

"Yes, do not play the Simple Simon with us, Ed-boys, your shenanigans have once more caused the Gnashing Mongoose of Soreness to visit Rolf!"  Rolf angrily held up his arm to display a large purple bruise.

"M-my, that's quite a painful-looking contusion, Rolf," Edd made a show of wincing sympathetically.  "But I fail to see the correlation between your unfortunate injuries and everyone's current displeasure with us?"

"Don't play dumb, Double-D, you're no good at it."  Sarah pulled the sadly deflated life ring from Jimmy's grip.  "Just look what you and your idiot friends did to Jimmy's Mr. Foofy!"

"But Sarah, how could my compatriots and I have caused Jimmy's tragedy – or Rolf's injuries, for that matter – when we've done nothing all day but plan for a rather, uh, omelette-intensive business venture?"  He gestured towards the cooler.  "Eddy's frozen omelettes are only a – gkhk!"

"Yeah, right, Double-Dweeb!"  Kevin had grabbed Edd by the front of his shirt and dragged him off his feet.  "You think you can get out of what's coming to you by treating us like idiots?"  He hoisted Edd into the air and prepared to slam him into the ground.  "THIS is for throwing me off the slide…"

Finally catching on, Eddy came to Edd's rescue.  "What's your problem, Kev?  What slide?"

Kevin snorted.  "How about the ones in your _water park_, Dorky?  The ones right behind…" turning around, he stared at all the empty space where once the water park had been, "…me?"  He dropped Edd in surprise.

The other kids turned around and gasped.  "Where'd the water park go, Sarah?" Jimmy clung to Sarah's wrist.

Edd sat up slowly, rubbing his head and trying to clear the stars from his vision.  "Water park?  Here, behind the cul-de-sac?  I don't think this area is even zoned for such an enterprise…"

"B-but…but there were slides…"  Kevin rubbed his eyes and looked again.

"And a wave pool," Sarah looked around in bewilderment.

"And a – " Rolf suddenly stopped.  "Son of a tabernacle – do you swindlers think to deceive Rolf yet again?!?"  He stomped towards Eddy.  "Show Rolf where you hid the pools, slimy Ed-boy!"

Eddy stayed well out of Rolf's reach.  "Yeah, right – where could I possibly hide an entire water park, Rolf?"  He pulled out his pockets to demonstrate that they were empty.  "I don't even know what you're talking about…Do you, Double-D?"

"You know, Eddy, I do believe I've heard about this sort of phenomenon before!"  He put on his most convincing smile, foreseeing a long and unpleasant afternoon if the kids didn't buy this.  "Occasionally an entire group of people can experience a shared hallucination, if the conditions are just right…I believe it's called Communal Self-Delusion in sociological circles…"  He suddenly remembered he'd put his behavioral psychology manual in his pocket before he'd left the house this morning.  Pulling it out now, he flipped it open to a random page.  "Yes, here we are…It says here that Communal Self-Delusion most often occurs during periods of extreme heat and mental lethargy…symptoms frequently include the sensation that one is swimming or flying, and it typically involves visual apparitions such as, er, horizontal waterfalls…crazily moving slides…giant tidal waves…Would any of that match what you were experiencing?"  He crossed his fingers and hoped.

The kids all looked at each other.  Jonny scratched his head.  "Gee, Plank, do you really think it was all in our heads?"

Kevin was still suspicious.  "Then explain to me why we're all soaking wet, dork."

Edd shrugged helplessly.  "It's beyond me, Kevin – but perhaps in your delirious state you…uh…fell in the creek?"  He started considering potential hiding places in case the kids remained unconvinced.  "I-I simply don't know how else to explain it – I'm sorry, but look around you – there clearly was no water park!  Eddy, did you see any water park?"

"Sure didn't, Double-D, all I saw were delicious and reasonably-priced frozen omelettes.  Did _you_ see any water park?"

"Why, no, not a single one, Eddy."  He turned towards Ed, who was happily shoving frozen omelettes-on-a-stick up his nostrils.  "Ed, did you see any water park?"

"Aw, 'course I did, Double-D!  It's got a big pool of gravy, and all kinds of neat slides – just like the chute that the Tidy Bowl Spacemen used to transport their prisoners in 'Flush of Doom'!"  

Edd and Eddy groaned in despair.  "Good one, Sock-head," Eddy hissed.  "We were home free, too…"

"Don't remind me, Eddy," Edd pulled his hat over his eyes and awaited his own flush of doom.  "Curse my inclusive nature!"  Shaking, he waited…and waited…but nothing happened.  He finally nudged his hat back above one curious eye.

The kids were looking at each other in chagrin.  "Gee, we shared a delusion with _Ed_…" Nazz looked disturbed.

"'Tidy Bowl Spacemen'?"  Sarah glanced uneasily at Jimmy.  "Come on, Jimmy – I think maybe I need to go back inside where it's cool…"

"I'm with you, Sarah!  I want a nice long bath to wash Ed's ideas out of my head…"

"Woo-hoo, Plank, that was some hallucination!"  Jonny gasped and grabbed Plank.  Pointing in the sky, he yelled, "Holy cow, it's still going on!  Check out those flying tubas, Plank!"

"…"

Jonny grinned.  "Okay, you got me, buddy – I was just foolin' ya.  Boy Plank, you sure are sharp!  Come on, I'll race ya to the swingset!"  Jonny and Plank ran off towards the park.

Edd let out his breath as everyone else wandered away in embarrassed confusion.  "I'm sure a little time in an air-conditioned area will relieve you of any lingering hallucinatory effects," he called after the kids.  "And don't forget about the mental lethargy!  I recommend you all read at least three books a week if you want to avoid future instances of – "

Eddy elbowed him in the ribs.  "Don't push it, Sock-head…"

Edd grinned sheepishly.  "I suppose you're right Eddy, I just couldn't help…um…Ed?  Can you breathe with those omelettes up your nose?"

"Not at all, Double-D!  But look!  These popsicle sticks make me look just like Walrus Man!"  Ed stood up and growled nasally.  "Take me to your fish sticks!"  Turning to run off towards the wave pool, Ed jumped in shock.  "AAAAAA!  Guys, something stole our water park!"  He ran off to investigate.  "Come back, Gravy Boat, wherever you are!"

Giggling behind his hand, Edd turned towards Eddy.  "Well, I suppose we should – "  His laughter stopped as he saw Eddy's face.  "Um, Eddy?"

Arms crossed, Eddy was glaring at him and tapping a foot.  "So when were you planning on explaining yourself, Sock-head?"  A vein throbbed in Eddy's forehead.  

Edd smiled weakly.  "Now, Eddy, I can explain…"  

"Well, I'm waiting!  Whatever you did, it made everyone so mad that we all nearly got trashed!  And I never even got to sell my frozen omelettes!"

"A-and I bet you would've made a fortune with those, if everyone…hadn't…left…"  Wrong thing to say.  "Maybe…maybe we can…"  Edd shrank back as Eddy advanced threateningly.  Tripping over the cooler, he went sprawling to the ground.  He held up his hands protectively and shut his eyes.  "HAVE MERCY!"

Eddy glowered down at his trembling friend and stood for a moment in thought.  Suddenly, he grabbed Edd by the wrists.  "Of course, that was some pretty fancy talkin' you did there to get us off scott-free.  I'm rubbin' off on ya, Double-D."  He pulled Edd back to his feet and grinned appreciatively, then turned and walked off.  Glancing back over his shoulder, he added, "You know…you're almost, sort of…not-totally uncool sometimes…For a guy who keeps psychology books in his pants…"  He broke into a run.  "Now let's go, Double-D, if we hurry maybe we can watch Ed dig to China to find his Gravy Boat."  

"I'm right behind you, Eddy!"  Flush with pleasure at his friend's almost, sort of compliment, Edd ran happily along after Eddy.  "But let's be sure to put a halt to Ed before he completely destroys the local ecosystem, okay?"

****

The next day found the Edd and Eddy strolling out of the alley as the neighborhood kids went trundling around on makeshift contraptions that looked to be part go-cart, part inner tube, part bat, and part pillow.  Eddy grinned widely.  "What did I tell you, Double-D, the All-Terrain Zoom Buggies are a hit!  Cash-ola in the bank-ola!"  He hugged his now-full money jar.  "It's jawbreaker time!"

Edd watched proudly as Jonny and Plank flapped smoothly past, sailing several feet off the ground.  "I must say, those buggies were one of our best undertakings to date!  The extra time we spent ensuring their structural integrity is sure to pay off in an extended lifetime for the buggies and a much clearer conscience for us!"

"Conscience, shmonscience, all's I know is that I've got a jar full of quarters and a hankering for jawbreakers!  Let's go before…"  He trailed off as the earth beneath him started to shake and rise.  He lept off a rapidly-forming molehill, just as Ed's head poked out the top of it.  "Oh, hey Ed, there you are!"  Eddy snickered.  "So didja ever find your stupid Gravy Boat?"

"No, it is gone forever," Ed sniffed sadly.  "But look what I did find!"  He held up a small, golf ball-sized lump of plastic.  "I think it is the egg of a subterranean bat-skink!  Watch, I bet it can fly!"  He wound up and took aim.

Edd frantically grabbed at Ed's arm.  "NO, ED, DON'T – "  He watched in despair as the plastic lump sailed through the air and landed in the alley beyond.

"Don't worry, Double-D, bat-skinks are really tough!  I didn't hurt it – ooh, look!  I think it's hatching, guys!"  Ed clapped in delight as his 'bat-skink egg' went through a convulsion of popping and unfolding.  Suddenly he gasped.  "MY GRAVY BOAT!!!"  Ed ran joyfully off in the direction of the fast-appearing water park.

Eddy stared, open-mouthed.  "Um, Double-D?"

"Yes, Eddy?"

"I'm thinking _this_ would be a really good time to start running…"  Eddy started edging backwards.

"I wholeheartedly concur, Eddy."  Trying hard not to hear the shrieks and crashes coming from the lane behind him, he ran after Eddy.  Casting a final worried glance over his shoulder, he winced.  "Well, I suppose we can always sell medical services tomorrow…"


End file.
